Ok, so I am sitting here in my living room. I am looking out the window. I live on a hill. My hill is a sheet of ice. This morning's entertainment is called "Watch the Dumbass." I have counted no less than ten SUVs in this hour alone, attempt my modest little hill only to lock their precious little ABS brakes and slide like a sled down the hill. Did I mention the hill has a bend and a big building one can slide into?
What is it about Seattle drivers? Why are you so stupid? Oh, yeah. It's the SUV. I forgot. It makes you invunerable. But really people, truly? Can you not work the ice angle? Ice is slippery on a hill and I should think your first choice would be to try the level backways?
It's not like the ice was invisible in the daylight. I could see it. "Hmmn, that's ice", I thought as I looked at the ice. I watched people walking on it stumbling and yet, the SUVs who would be king kept a coming...
Those are the downhillers. Another flavor of car fun is the uphillers. Those dumb bastards who gun it up the hill only to get stuck spinning their wheels on the ice and for extra points sliding backwards.
Thus we come to my favorite sporting event: downhillers vs. the uphillers. Oh the time I am having! Ouch, there is a good one! A downhiller has just slammed and locked his brakes and is sliding right into an uphiller who has swerved to the right. The downhiller has gone sideways as the uphiller has hit ice and is slowly drifting backwards. Both are SUVs and both are men.
Isn't that cute? One has a dog.
They miss each other (no SUVs were harmed in the writing of this blog) but I am betting a change of pants is in order.
A few minutes have gone by. Oh, this one is not a SUV, it is a minivan! Even better. It's not even slowing down much. Umm. Major arterial ahead. Better brake. There you go. Ooops, that pesky ice. Into the arterial you go! But no traffic. Ouch, 15 seconds later and you would have met a Metro bus on intimate terms.
Ah, the hijinks! This was good watching. But now I must try it (need food). So I inch the car out and do all the right things and ease onto the dry road from my icy hill. I go and get food from the Safeway down the road and whattya know? The parking lot is a sheet of ice. I manuver around the cars in the lot that are spinning wheels and otherwise being dumbasses to find my spot.
I smirk to myself that if Seattle could learn to drive like me, we'd all be better off. As I am thinking this, I take about two steps from the car and both feet go out from under me and I go down on my ass in front of all the SUVs and minivans. I even see one fat guy point and laugh and he gets into his truck.
As I've always said: "The gods get even with those that gloat..."
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